Letter From A Coach's Wife

Since Eric and I have been married, he has only coached at 2 schools. Rienzi and Biggersille are almost extensions of each other so its like it was only one. I had been a student at Biggersville and since we married 2 summers after I graduated, there wasn't much time for me or the school to change much before I became a part of it again through my husband.

I always kept the books for Eric's ballgames until sometime after Tess was born and I was able to finally convince Eric that I could not watch a 2 year-old and a 6 month old and keep the books at the same time. He thought I was more talented that I actually was. And apparently still had a notion that I could handle anything thrown at me because he moved me to the concession stand with said toddler and infant in tow. :)

As the years passed, more babies came, and I began to work outside the home more, I was unable to make it to all the ballgames like I wanted to. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to have young children out in the freezing cold (because most of the season is spent sitting outside at night in temps below 50 degrees) or to have them crying incessantly at home because they were sleepy when they had to take a bath at 10 p.m. because they had school the next day and we had been at the ball field.

We went to as many games as we could that coincided with the right temperature, location and my being off from work. This past year when we might have been able to participate more fully in being present to support our team, Granny came to live with us. We attempted to go to the games and just sit in the car a few times until it became apparent that while Granny did well on these outings, she became more confused after we came home. So, again, we became home cheerleaders.

I've struggled with this outcome and even though I have felt the decisions made were the best for our family, I have fallen into the trap of comparing myself to other coaches' wives. I know that some wives would never miss a game, no matter what the weather or how many children they have in tow. I know that some know all the players' names, their positions and their stats. Sincerely, my hat is off to them because I don't know how they do it. With homework and housework and a job, I am barely keeping up.

My insecurity about it finds me questioning Eric. "Are you really okay with me staying home tonight?" "Do you think I don't care about the team? Because I really do." "I hope the parents know that I don't just stay home because I don't feel like going."

Being the woman that I am, when he reassures me that it is okay that I am not there and that he agrees with me, I immediately question that too. "Is it not important to you that I am there?"

Yes. I have issues.

So now, as we venture to Alcorn Central with new people and a new team, my insecurities rise to the surface again.

I'm horrible at meeting new people. I have NO small talk. I try to just smile big and pray you don't think I'm stupid when I don't have anything to say. I try but the more I do, the more my mind just goes blank. I have trouble remembering names and it has nothing to do with how much I like you. And that's just when I am able to be present. I will hardly ever be able to come on campus. I'm absent more now than I have ever been because of Granny. I even have to miss some of my children's ballgames now.

I am doing the best I can trying to balance all the demands placed on me with the desires of my heart. So instead of listing all of the ways that I feel I may be falling short, I thought of the things that I can offer as a coach's wife.

I love my husband. 

Eric is a coach. While he is also many other things, the coach portion is one of the larger parts. Because I love my husband as a whole, that includes the coach part. I've never referred to myself as a baseball widow. I'm a part of his team as much as if I was a player or another coach. I listen. I ask questions. I comment. I am interested. I am engaged. I care.

When I don't get to go to the games, after the kids have gone to bed, I sit on the couch to welcome him as he arrives home and ask, "How'd it go?" I'll listen to his recounting of the game, inning by inning and then sit with him as he calls in the score.

How does that help you?  I understand that for a portion of the fall and from January to May, I will be on my own a great portion of the time. I hope that by being supportive of my husband in his calling and not complaining about the time he spends away from us helps him be the best coach he can be.

I love your children.

You see him at the practices and at the games but you don't see all the time he spends preparing. You don't see him talking on the phone with parents and grandparents about their kids. You don't see the hours he spends making cookie dough so that he can sell it to buy equipment for them. You don't know that he offers his time and expertise without renumeration for the benefit of the school and team. You don't see the hours he spends mowing, weed eating, and painting so that they can have a ball field to be proud of.

I think that your children are important. Their lives have meaning and are valuable. Eric's impact on them will be far-reaching so I feel that sharing my husband is worth it.


I love Jesus.

I pray earnestly for the administrators, the coaches, the players, the parents and fans. I pray for the other teams. I pray for the referees and the umpires. I pray about the uniforms that you'll wear. I pray for safety. I pray about attitudes and sportsmanship.  I pray for wisdom for all of us. So that we'll understand what is really important and what is not. That we'll stand up for what needs to be defended and know when to let something pass. That we would be thankful for the times we get things right, and learn from the times we get things wrong. That we would be honorable in the winning and in the losing.

You know those insecurities I mentioned? (I would have loved to have left them out of this post, but I'm trying to be honest here.) They seem to be my major struggle in life. Jesus is trying to work them out of me. But no matter how my head runs away from me, I know in my heart that He holds us securely in His hands.

Loving Jesus, however imperfectly I do it,  helps me love my husband and love your children.

Well, I'm afraid that is all. It is only 3 things but I promise to be faithful in them. And I look forward to the time that I get to know you all. You will be able to go from wondering if I'll ever talk to wishing I would hush up and let you get a word in edge-wise.

The Move

By now you have probably heard that, Eric, my husband, is leaving Biggersville. He has taken a position at Alcorn Central High School. He will be coaching baseball there, but he will be assistant high school baseball coach. Not head coach. I know that some folks were confused on that point. He will be coaching jr. high baseball and another sport yet to be decided. He will teach 8th grade history as well.

I don't think that it is any coincidence or chance happening that God would have me declare my love for Biggersville schools a mere month before I knew that we would have to leave it. I had no idea that Eric would accept a job at Alcorn Central when I wrote that post. The way we feel about Biggersville hasn't changed. Eric has been a coach at there for 18 years. During those 18 years he had many opportunities to leave and go elsewhere. But every year he chose to stay. Until this year.

To those of you who have, without asking why, told us that you will miss us but will be praying for us and supporting us wherever we are, thank you. Thank you for loving us that way. To those who honestly ask and listen to what we say, we thank you as well. We appreciate that you took the time to ask us why instead of putting words in our mouths.

We have had some folks congratulate us and in the following conversation they state something like, "Well, no one should fault you for trying to advance yourself." or "Movin' on up, aren't you?" Those comments are well meaning. They are wishing us success. I guess they didn't realize how it sounded.  We have heard another more negative observation. I won't repeat it because it isn't only hurtful to Eric and our family, it could be upsetting to the students that he taught and coached.

We would like you to know that we don't see this as a "step up". Eric has chosen to "step down" in a way.  He could still be head coach at Biggersville or somewhere else.  As I mentioned earlier, in the years that Eric was coach at BHS, on average he got an offer to go somewhere else yearly, to places that others would have seen as "better" than Biggersville. He didn't take them because he felt he was where he should be. He did what he thought was best for the students, the school, and himself then as he does now. The BEST place to be is always in the place where God wants you. Success is measured in more ways than with trophies and accolades. The investment in coaching isn't just in winning. The investment is in the child. To impart a character that shines in the winning and the losing. I know he wants to do this at Alcorn Central as an assistant as he did at Biggersville as a head coach. 

One of the good things that came from the responses to this move is that my heart and voice rose to defend my husband's choice for us. (I can talk about him but I don't want anyone else to. :)) I wasn't very happy with this decision at first. I cried and cried privately. I called out to God to ask Him to help me understand and to be able to move forward. I didn't want my children to hurt by having to leave their comfort zone, their friends, the teachers and the place they love. I had to admit that Biggersville was my comfort zone as well. Change is hard. But, in the process of "standing by my man", God helped me and I began to see the positives as well. 

Another valuable lesson that I hope we learn from this is how to respond to others' choices. It helps to be on the receiving end of criticism or have misinformation spread about you at times. "So this is what that feels like." I hope it will be mirror to help us see where we have failed in the past and how we can improve in this area in the future. 

Eric will be going to coach with Jarrad Robinson. Eric met Jarrad and his dad when Jarrad played at the park in his early teen years. Jarrad played for Eric on his Senior Legion team 15 years ago. Eric followed Jarrad through his college years and then his teaching and coaching ones after. He is excited about the opportunity to coach with his friend. He is looking forward not only to his coaching at Alcorn Central, but the opportunities he will have as a classroom teacher. His schedule, subject area and the grade level he will be teaching are suited to his strengths and tastes.

Please pray for us as we make this move. The children especially need your love and support. We have LOVED our time at Biggersville. We GRIEVED over the decision to leave. We will continue to MISS it for a long time. But now that the decision is made, we are EXCITED about what God has planned for our lives as Alcorn Central Bears.