Family Pictures

I have never been good at documenting things on film. Our pictorial history is spotty at best. At times we didn't have a camera. Other times I never developed the film. Mostly, though, I was too busy living the moment to take myself out of it to take the picture. Some would remedy this by having pro portraits made, but scheduling professional shots was often out of the question because of financial constraints.

The digital world has been easier on me. I don't have to remember to go get the film developed. I just shoot the pics directly from my camera to Shutterfly and they deliver them to my home. I don't even have to put on makeup or get out of my house shoes.

When our family was small, I could always rely on a shot of all of us at any family gathering. Some brother or sister would snap a picture of the 3 or 4 of us together; sometimes posed, sometimes not. Well as we grew those opportunities didn't just seem to happen anymore. They required concerted effort.

After God carried me through nursing school and I worked for a while, our pocketbooks would allow for the luxury of a professional portrait. We learned our fourth child was on the way. We decided to wait for the little one so that our family would be complete in the picture.

Our fourth child, baby Jack, was stillborn. A few months after he has born, we were supposed to have our pictures made. I couldn't do it. I felt like any picture made of all of us would be a lie. He wouldn't be there. The big gaping hole in our lives would show up on my face. How could we ever have them made now?

Thankfully, even what we can't imagine one day, is possible on another day. After a few years of healing and God's wonderful grace, it was time to make that memory. The same way God revealed Himself so many times through those years, He made His presence known with our family pictures.

I love the work of Brandy Jaggers Photography. A few months ago, she ran a contest on her blog. She asked "How long has it been since you had your family pictures made? Why has it been so long?" She said that she wanted to give a new family portrait to a one that really needed it. I entered my comment. It told a little bit of the story that I have just told you. Well, we won! We were the recipients of a portrait session and a 16X20 print. You can read more here and also see my comment.

I had read about including something of your loved one in your pictures. We brought a Teddy bear that was baby Jack's to the photo shoot.  Even if someone else doesn't know what it means, we do. We were thinking of him and he is a part of our family.

This is the 16X20 that we chose. This is really all we do now (chase Dinah), so I thought it appropriate for capturing the times we now live in.
The pictures were gorgeous and I'm so happy we have them. But, I'm happier to be a part of the family that is in them.

Tess's Birthday Fun

I told you when I posted M&M Night that Tess had some fun coming. She didn't know about it though. Tess recently turned 10. I brought cupcakes to her class and when we were done sipping Capri Suns and licking icing off our fingers, we left for home, or so she thought. Haley, her best friend was waiting in the car. Tess said, "Something weird is going on here." But, she just laughed and was glad to have Haley along.

She already knew that Haley couldn't spend the night and I found out from her comments that she thought we were just taking Haley home. As we drove South and went past the turn off to Haley's house, Tess said, "Momma, Haley lives back there."

I said, "I know." Haley and I just smiled.

Tess began to squeal and ask excitedly, "Where are we going?"

We both said, "You'll know when you get there."

When we turned off at the mall, she started rapid-fire guessing, "Chucky Cheese? T.J. Maxx? Oooo, Toys-R-Us? The Mall, the Mall, the Mall!!!! I guess this is something that I am going to have to get used to. She doesn't seem to care what kind of mall, how big it is, where it is, as long as we are going there. I've never been much of a shopper so the hyperventilation upon approaching "the Mall!" is new to me.

She was still guessing as we walked into the food court entrance of the Barnes Crossing Mall. We went straight to Build-a-Bear.

This was a first for Tess and I, so Haley had to orient us.

The girls chose their rabbits. (Which without their stuffing were kind of creepy to me.) They chose identical bunnies with identical outfits.

Meet Justine, Tess's bunny, and Shine, Haley's bunny. They are best friends just like Tess and Haley.

After leaving Build-a-Bear we headed over to Bath and Body Works and proceeded to smell each and every fragrance available. After our purchase of matching hand sanitizers (these are germ conscious girls), we headed out to find some more fun. We passes a photo booth and the girls were wild to have their pictures made in it. Despite my perfume euphoria, I was still sensible enough (or cheap whichever way you want to look at it) not to want to spend $3 when I already had a camera on hand. Sooooooo......

They were good sports and didn't fuss. I know it isn't the same but, I think they'll live. I had to save our money. We were headed to the movie theatre!

We had a great time watching the latest "Spy Kids", complete with scratch and sniff cards. The movie was really good. After the movie, we headed to Sam's Club to pick up supplies for Daddy.



The bunnys' first trip with their moms' to Sam's. It is the first place I took my newborn children, why not theirs? (I'm just kidding. Don't get worried.)

We wanted to go to Chik-fil-A but apparently everyone else in a 100 mile radius did too. There were no parking places, and the drive thru was back up almost to the bypass. Their second choice was Wendy's. So we ended our night out in Tupelo with Family Game Night toys in our kids meals.

It was a good night. Happy Birthday, sweetheart!

School Begins

Well, another year, another first day picture.

Tess was super excited to go to school so that she could catch up with all of her friends.

Amelia was beyond thrilled to be a first grader.

Ty was, well, let's say he had a grin-and-bare-it attitude. It broke my heart.  Becoming a sixth grader is hard for a fella who doesn't want to grow up.

This is how Dinah felt about her daddy and her siblings going back to school:

I tried to distract her with the camera. She loves to play with electronic devices usually off limits to small ones. She wasn't buyin' what I was sellin'.

She finally got a little happier.

That's my girl. We'll all be back together again at 3 pm.

Mommy and Dinah survived and were ready to hear all about the first day. Amelia says, "First grade is AWESOME!" Tess says, "School is boring," but then can't help but talk excitedly about every detail of the day. Ty fared better than he thought he would and figured out that sixth grade isn't that much different than fifth grade at BES. Same teachers, just different home room. Dad liked high school just as much as he has the last 20 years. 

Lifting My Hands

I Lift My Hands
Chris Tomlin

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak


Let faith arise
Let faith arise


I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever


Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me


So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes


I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

 

When I heard these words for the first time as I listened to Chris Tomlin sing them on the radio, my mind immediately recalled a Sunday worship service a few years ago. I cried as I thought of it and how these words could have been written for me that day.

I can recall almost every detail because of what I experienced. It was the fall of 2008. The weather was unseasonably warm for October. I went to church numb that morning. I had readied myself and my family like a robot going through motions programmed by another. I was overwhelmingly sad. My body felt so heavy, I hardly wished to move it. It was a struggle to rise from bed each morning. It had been almost eight months since Jack died. This cloud of sadness had settled on me at six months. Though the difficult times had come and gone, they hadn't stayed this long and I felt I had been doing so well before it came. I couldn't shake it though. I prayed, meditated on God's word, and longed for the day I would be able to breathe easily again.

I walked into the service that morning with a heavy heart. We began to sing and as usual with the words that were sung, tears came as well. When I heard the notes played for the song, "How Great Is Our God", the tears became small sobs. I began to feel the Holy Spirit close about me as I was reminded of His faithfulness to me. Since I first heard the song, I had loved it. I sang it all the time. Whenever it came on the radio, I turned it up loud and belted it out as loud as my lungs would allow. Those words of praise were so special. In the delivery room, as I delivered our stillborn son, God put those words on my lips. In that room, where I was going through the hardest thing I had ever to do, I felt peace like never before. Instead of despair, God gave me a song. In those moments, I truly understood, "How Great Was Our God" and longed for all to "sing with me" and to know it too.

So again, almost eight months later, I whispered those words to God. And as I sat there, I knew it wasn't enough for Him. For the first time in my life, I rose and lifted my hands heavenward, as high as I could lift them. If Chris Tomlin had been inside my head and heart that day, his words could not have described what I felt more than the words that he wrote a year or two later.


"I lift my hands to believe again

You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever"


I stood there uncaring of what others thought. I was just Anna, broken and nothingness, worshiping God Almighty, the only one who could not only restore me but make me better than I was before. I remembered His faithfulness to me and I lifted my hands to believe again. I sent up my love and received much more in return.

The days that followed were still difficult. But I just had to stop and remember His faithfulness to me.

I and my worship haven't been quite the same since that day.

So click here: I Lift My Hands to listen to Chris Tomlin sing one of my new favorite songs.


Below are some verses from the Bible about lifting hands; hands lifted in anguish, questions, readiness, praise, awe, thankfulness, faith and worship.




And Moses said unto him, As soon as I am gone out of the city, I will spread abroad my hands unto the LORD; [and] the thunder shall cease, neither shall there be any more hail; that thou mayest know how that the earth [is] the LORD'S. And Moses went out of the city from Pharaoh, and spread abroad his hands unto the LORD: and the thunders and hail ceased, and the rain was not poured upon the earth. (Exodus 9:29,33)


But Moses' hands [were] heavy; and they took a stone, and put [it] under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. (Exodus 17:12)


His own hands shall bring the offerings of the LORD made by fire, the fat with the breast, it shall he bring, that the breast may be waved [for] a wave offering before the LORD. (Leviticus 7:30)


And he shall take a censer full of burning coals of fire from off the altar before the LORD, and his hands full of sweet incense beaten small, and bring [it] within the vail: (Leviticus 16:12)


And Solomon stood before the altar of the LORD in the presence of all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands toward heaven:… What prayer and supplication soever be [made] by any man, [or] by all thy people Israel, which shall know every man the plague of his own heart, and spread forth his hands toward this house:… And it was [so], that when Solomon had made an end of praying all this prayer and supplication unto the LORD, he arose from before the altar of the LORD, from kneeling on his knees with his hands spread up to heaven. (1 Kings 8:22,38,54)


And he stood before the altar of the LORD in the presence of all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands… For Solomon had made a brasen scaffold, of five cubits long, and five cubits broad, and three cubits high, and had set it in the midst of the court: and upon it he stood, and kneeled down upon his knees before all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands toward heaven… [Then] what prayer [or] what supplication soever shall be made of any man, or of all thy people Israel, when every one shall know his own sore and his own grief, and shall spread forth his hands in this house: (2 Chronicles 6:12,13,29)


And at the evening sacrifice I arose up from my heaviness; and having rent my garment and my mantle, I fell upon my knees, and spread out my hands unto the LORD my God. (Ezra 9:5)


And Ezra blessed the LORD, the great God. And all the people answered, Amen, Amen, with lifting up their hands: and they bowed their heads, and worshipped the LORD with [their] faces to the ground. (Nehemiah 8:6)


If thou prepare thine heart, and stretch out thine hands toward him. (Job 11:13)


Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle. (Psalm 28:2)


Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. (Psalm 64:3)


Princes shall come out of Egypt; Ethiopia shall soon stretch out her hands unto God. (Psalm 68:31)


Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: LORD, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee. (Psalm 88:9)


My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes. (Psalm 119:48)


Lift up your hands [in] the sanctuary, and bless the LORD. (Psalm 134:2)


Let my prayer be set forth before thee [as] incense; [and] the lifting up of my hands [as] the evening sacrifice. (Psalm 141:2)


I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul [thirsteth] after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah. (Psalm 143:6)

For I have heard a voice as of a woman in travail, [and] the anguish as of her that bringeth forth her first child, the voice of the daughter of Zion, [that] bewaileth herself, [that] spreadeth her hands, [saying], Woe [is] me now! for my soul is wearied because of murderers. (Jeremiah 4:31)




Arise, cry out in the night: in the beginning of the watches pour out thine heart like water before the face of the Lord: lift up thy hands toward him for the life of thy young children, that faint for hunger in the top of every street. (Lamentations 2:19)


Let us lift up our heart with [our] hands unto God in the heavens. (Lamentations 3:41)


The mountains saw thee, [and] they trembled: the overflowing of the water passed by: the deep uttered his voice, [and] lifted up his hands on high. (Habakkuk 3:10)


And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them. (Luke 24:50)


I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. (1 Timothy 2:8)


Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees. (Hebrews 12:12)

As Long as We Both Shall Live

Eric and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary last week.  Some of these years have been lovely, some have been miserable, and most all of them have been hard work. The words below are not the only vows I took 13 years ago, but they are the ones most commonly shared by couples. I read them from time to time to remind myself of the promises I made that day. I think about the words, how much they encompass and the selflessness they require. Though I fail them sometimes, with God's help, I will keep trying "until death do us part".

If you are married, put your and your spouse's name in the parenthesis and remember these promises with me.


"I, (Name),


Take you, (Name),

To be my (wife/husband);

To have and to hold,

From this day forward,

For better, for worse,

For richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health,

To love, to honor

and to cherish,

'Till death do us part." (or, "As long as we both shall live.")

Lovin' that man of mine,

Anna

M&M Night

Amelia needed some Mommy time so we had an M&M (Mimi and Mommy) night.

As soon as I woke up this evening we got ready for our evening of fun. Tess took this picture of us before we left. (Tess and Mommy evening coming soon.)

Amelia chose the restaurant. (She and her sisters always make me laugh. They have their FAVORITE restaurants and don't want to eat anywhere else. Do you know what they order when they go? A side salad. They don't understand why we don't let them pick the eatery. )

Amelia coloring her picture while we wait on the salad bowls.

Momma and Mimi enjoying the meal.

Ringing the bell after our dinner. Mmmm, good.

The next treat was Baskin Robbins. She would have forgone the dinner and went straight for the dessert if I had let her. She had been planning to take me to Baskin Robbins for a while now.

She cleaned out her piggy bank (and apparently her sister's too, we found out later) so that she could take us for ice cream.

Enjoying our cones. She got chocolate and I got chocolate peanut butter.

On the way home, happy literally pasted on her face, she said, "Momma, I love spending time with you."

Sweet enough to make the heart melt like ice cream on a summer's eve.



The LORD is my Portion

I have always needed lots of sleep or at least that I can remember. (I’ll have to ask momma about the early days and as I am up very early right now, she will probably appreciate that I don’t call her right now to inquire.) Naps are one of the most wonderful things. In high school and college, if the social occasion didn’t end at least by ten p.m., I wouldn’t be able to be there. I trained my little ones early to nap at the same time so Mommy could nap with them.




Lately, I have been having lots of trouble sleeping. (Well, if you can call the past 6 years of working night shift “lately”.) It seems that my world revolves around sleep even more now that I don’t have much of it than it did when I had more than enough.



“When will I sleep?”



“I can’t sleep.”



“Oh, if I could only sleep for a little while!”



“I’m sorry, I can’t come. I have to sleep.”



“Did I wake you up? I never know when you are sleeping.”



And my favorite, “Mommy, why do you sleep all of the time?”



Throw in a few children, a pregnancy or two, sick children, bad dreams, a baby who wouldn’t sleep more than an hour at a time, EVER, and that about wraps up the reasons that I carry so much luggage underneath my eyes and have decided that I might never be able to leave the house without make-up again.



Like as not, if you have had a conversation with me and made the mistake of asking me, “How are you?”, you have heard me talk about sleep or the lack thereof. Poor you. You are probably as tired of hearing it as I am living it. And as you see, here I am again going on about it.



I have been praying to God about this sleep need for a while now. I have asked Him to get me more sleep. I have presented suggestions on how He can make that happen. If He had a mailbox, He would have already received blueprints to 5 different plans. I’ve recruited others to pray about it too. I’m sure Eric has been lifting up prayers each time he rolls his eyes heavenward and sighs because of my general crankiness and or odd times he is left to fend for himself with 4 children. But here I am at what some would call an “ungodly” hour (I don’t because all hours are godly, because He made them and He is up anyway) typing away.



Well, He hasn’t cured my sleep problem yet. Even with all that praying and pleading. This morning, after He had probably given up all attempts of reaching me subtlety, He sent me a message in black and white. Here it is,

2 Corinthians 6: 4-10



“4.But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses, 5. in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in fastings, 6. by purity, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love, 7. by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armor of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, 8. by honor and dishonor, by evil report and good report; as deceivers, and yet true; 9. as unknown and yet well known, as dying, and behold we live; as chastened, and yet not killed; 10. as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing and yet possessing all things.”



Did you read that in verse 5? I am to commend myself as a minister even in SLEEPLESSNESS. I haven’t been much of a minister about it. I have complained myself right out of that. Others are looking at the way I handle my situation. No matter what it is. I am to present myself in “purity, knowledge, longsuffering, kindness, the presence of the Holy Spirit, sincere love, the word of truth, the power of God and the armor of righteousness on all sides” in whatever situation God allows me to be in so that I can show that I can walk the faith I claim.



God’s ways aren’t our ways. God created our bodies for sleeping at times so that we can rest. Am I getting all that I want right now? No. Am I getting all that I need? Apparently, because I haven’t been admitted to the hospital for exhaustion.



Is God using my wakeful times? Yes. In the quiet of early hours , I clean dishes, I sweep floors, I wash clothes. I make food for my family so that we don’t have to eat out all of the time. I am able to spend an hour in His presence soaking up His word, talk to Him and listen to Him. I am able to write down what I am learning. I have been able to exercise on almost all my days off.



Yes, I asked God for sleep. But, I also asked Him for time to clean my house. I asked Him to help me become more disciplined with exercise, food, and time with Him. I asked Him to increase my faith and to help my unbelief. I asked Him for the opportunity to minister to others.



So next time when you ask me, “How are you?”, hopefully my answer will be filled with the ways that God is using my sleepless hours instead of complaining about wanting more sleep. Sleep is good. God is better.



YAHWEH CHELQI “The LORD is my PORTION”