If It Feels Good, You Ain't Doing It Right

Football season is now upon us. In 2010, around this same time of year, the University of Alabama had a series on ESPN that gave an insider's look at Coach Saban, the players, and the practices. My husband is a really big Bama fan so you know that we watched these not once but twice. My little ones absorbed more of it than I thought they would. They went around the house repeating some of the motivational lines to each other.

It was so sweet.

Made us smile.

Our children are so cute.

Fall not only brings football but it usually brings the school beauty review with it as well. We didn't normally let the girls participate but Tess had been begging for a while and I had a job that let me be off on Saturdays for the first time in years, so we acquiesced.

One of the things that the girls do for the pageant is fill out a form that has a few questions on it. For example: Who do you most admire? What is your favorite color? etc. She was to pick answer at least 3 of the 5 questions. Unbeknownst to me, Tess filled out her form at school and turned it in without me seeing it.

After I found out that she had already handed the paper over, I asked about what she put on it. She most admires her nana (how precious) and her favorite color is blue (I knew that one already. I'm such a good mom.). One of the questions asked, "What is your favorite quote?" When she told me what she wrote there, I can tell you all the fuzzy feelings left me and I think I almost passed out.

She wrote: "If it feels good you ain't doin' it right."

If you would watch this clip (which was part of the ESPN series I was telling you about) you will find at 0:46 the strength coach of the University of Alabama football team screaming this sentence at the players. (I know you might not like Alabama but watch it anyway, or you won't get the post. I'm not trying to convert you.)

In the weight room, it makes sense.

On a elementary school beauty pagaent participant's form, it does not.





I quickly requested another form. We filled it out again and left that answer blank. I thought all was handled and crisis averted.

We found a dress on sale that suited her perfectly. Despite having to hold a crying baby in one arm and fixing Tess's hair with the other, hair and make-up looked lovely as well. We got to the gym, dressed her and pinned her number on. Amelia, Dinah and I made our way up to the stands to watch the review.

Tess's turn came around and she floated out onto the runway smiling and sparkling. I was so proud. That's my beautiful baby. Big smiles. As she promenaded and turned the MC read off the interesting facts from her form.

Then it happened.

In the calm cadence that the master of ceremonies adopted she read, "Tess's favorite quote is 'If it feels good, you ain't doing it right.'"

Without the context of a sweaty weight room and a man screaming it into the face of a football player, it sounded absolutely vulgar.

I wished for a black hole to come and swallow me up. All I could hear was the blood rushing into my head. THEY USED THE WRONG FORM! I couldn't tell if anyone else noticed. I was afraid to open my eyes and see a bunch moms staring at me, shaking their heads in disdain.

I got the courage to open my eyes and I even was able to whisper an explanation to her shocked Nana at my side.

Tess kept on smiling and the pageant moved on. They didn't disqualify her (there was a moment that this possibility crossed my mind) and she was awarded 2nd alternate. She was (and still is) very beautiful. I really think she would have been just as happy if she had not won any prize because she enjoyed dressing up like a princess so much. I was proud of how she behaved that day.

We fussed over her as much as we could without letting it all go to her head.  I held myself together about the quote until I was able to talk with Eric about it that evening. He was the only one who could really GET IT. He had seen the video that it was taken from. He knew about all of the mimicking around the house. He knew how I had taken it off the form and turned a new one in. I recounted the story and tried to convey how time seemed to slow as I felt the urge to throw myself at the podium shouting, "NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!"

After it was all over though, all we could do was laugh.  It was either that or cry so we laughed and laughed.

Until now, Tess hasn't been in another pageant. We filled out her form for this year's review the other day. Thankfully, there was no section that asked for quotes and I helped her fill out what I hope was the ONLY copy.

As I think about all of the things we do to achieve the world's idea of beauty (false eyelashes, pancake make-up, hot rollers, straighteners, tanning beds, Spanks, liquid diets, waxing, high heels that hurt our feet, etc.), I believe Tess had it right any way. If it feels good, you probably ain't doing it right.