Restore, Chapter 7--I'll Make Everything As Good As New

If you were privy to the events in our lives in the past year, you would know why I felt led to use this verse below for the cover of the "Restore" ceremony programs. 

“Yes, God’s message: ‘You’re going to look at this place, these empty and desolate towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem and say, ‘A wasteland. Unlivable. Not even a dog could live here.’ But the time is coming when you’re going to hear laughter and celebration, marriage festivities, people exclaiming, ‘Thank God-of-the-Angel-Armies. He’s so good! His love never quits,’ as they bring thank offerings into God’s Temple. I’ll restore everything that was lost in this land. I’ll make everything as good as new. ‘I, God says so.’”
Jeremiah 33:6-11 The Message

 Pain. Grief. Despair.  

    

How do we move forward from this?

If you had looked inside our windows and into our hearts your would have found desolation and emptiness. You might have said, 

"A wasteland. Unlivable." 

or 

"I can't imagine how you can get over all of this."

or 

"Maybe it would be best to move on."

But God says, 

"I’ll restore everything that was lost in this land. I’ll make everything as 
good as new."

Why?

Because He said so. 

If you listen to Christian music at all you have probably heard the song "Restore" by Chris August and realize that is where we got the name for our ceremony. I don't think that it is any coincidence that this song was released this year. I am sure that this song has meant a great deal to a great many people but a couple of those folks were Eric and Anna. God used this song to encourage us. It reminded us that we aren't alone in our struggles. 

Take a few minutes to listen to "our new song".

  

 

 "But the time is coming when you’re going to hear laughter and celebration, marriage festivities, people exclaiming, ‘Thank God-of-the-Angel-Armies. He’s so good! His love never quits,’ as they bring thank offerings into God’s Temple."

    GOD ALONE CAN DO THIS.

(I just wanted to note that I do know that the scripture above was not written to describe marriage. I know that it refers to Jerusalem. So if anyone thinks that I am abusing scripture, that is not what I meant to do. I believe that God, Restorer of Israel, a nation that acts so like myself, is able to restore our marriage. He wants us to love others and to keep our word. He said so.)

Restore, Chapter 4--When Things Don't Go As Planned

You probably know that is a picture of our youngest daughter, Dinah. What you don't know if you weren't with us that day, is that she was dancing. 

While I was readying in the bride's room for the ceremony, I got a text from my friend, Alesha. It was a video of Dinah dancing to the instrumental music that we had playing as our guests were being seated and waiting for the ceremony to begin. She swooped and twirled, swayed and sashayed in time to the music. (She loves to watch Barbie movies and I am assuming this is where she got all of her beautiful steps from because she has never had a lesson.) One of her favorite people, Mr. Taft came by to hug her in the video. She never misses a hug from Mr. Taft but she got away from hug as quickly as possible so that she could continue dancing. 

If this had happened with my first child, (not that Ty would have been doing ballet anyway), or even my second, I might have been upset that she wasn't behaving properly, sitting next to her Nana and sisters. As I've gotten older though and with each child, I have realized that there are somethings that are ok. And if she wanted to dance while she was waiting, so be it. It made me smile.

At this point, I assumed that she would be sitting down after the service started. We had considered letting the children stand around us as we exchanged our vows but we felt that Dinah, being 3 years old, would not want to stand there so I installed her Papa, Eric's father, on a particular pew just to care for her while my mother sat alongside them with the older children. Papa brought stickers and a coloring book for her. I just knew she would want to sit with him. 

Eric and I did not walk down the aisle to begin the ceremony. We wanted to be able to experience the music and the speaker without being on display down at the front of the church. We didn't even enter the back of the church and go up to the balcony until after the welcome and Beth Mitchell was singing the first song. The first thing I noticed as I sat down, (beside the fact that it was difficult to sit down in that dress) was that Dinah was still dancing. 

Even the cool, laid-back, older mom in me was a little uncomfortable with this. We all thought it was precious BEFORE the ceremony, but now too? I noticed my older daughters were motioning violently at the end of their pew for her to come to them. The whole time the only sound she made was to turn toward them and "Shushhhh!" them loudly with her finger over her mouth. It was if SHE was telling THEM to quit interrupting the service. 

I was concerned for Beth. I was proud that she was holding it together. Dinah was looking to Beth to know how the music would go. When the music stopped, Dinah held her pose and looked at Beth like, "Is that all?" I caught myself and told myself to let go and not worry about it. I didn't want it to distract me from the day. I took a deep breath and didn't let it bother me. 

We were blessed to have Tommy Wilson deliver a sermon for our ceremony. His text was from Isaiah 40: 28-31.

"Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.
 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

He spoke about how that 15 years ago, Eric and I probably thought we knew how our lives would go. That in our minds we had a plan. We all think we know how the story will go. We have our hopes and dreams that we pray become reality. And that as we stand here today and look back, that our lives probably didn't go as planned. He alluded to our wedding day and our "honeymoon", and to the fact that wasn't probably what I had always hoped. (I had never spoken to him about that so he didn't know. God did though.) He said that because of this we, even us who are "youths" had grown tired. That we "stumble and fall". 

He continued to say that even though the first 15 years didn't go as planned that didn't mean that the next 15 or 30 or until death do us part, can't be wonderful with God's help. If we keep our eyes on Him and place our "hope in the Lord" that He will "renew our strength" for the coming years. Our past doesn't have to define us. It will just be a place so that we can show later how far God as brought us.

He mentioned that as we planned this day and this service that we probably didn't "plan" on a 3 year-old dancing through the service. But it was beautiful all the same. God has a plan too and even though it isn't the same as ours, when we follow Him, there will be loveliness.

Dinah danced through the next song. She sat beside us as we knelt at the altar in prayer. She hugged our legs. She sat on the steps as we renewed our vows. She didn't say a word the whole time. It was if God sent an angel to hold her hand and lead her around that day.

My Ty, Tess, and Amelia were fantastically behaved and my mama gets a medal for taking care of all of them all morning, that afternoon and the next day. What would we do without our mama's?

One thing that I didn't plan on those 15 years ago was this big beautiful family, but God sent them to me anyway. His plan is so much better than mine. (Always thinking of our boy, Jack, who is already with Jesus, when we have a family portrait.)

Ty, our oldest, said he was excited about this ceremony because he missed the first one. :)

Restore, Chapter 3--Stay With Me

As you read these words, look at these pictures, and listen to these songs, I want you to see how desperate we are for renewal. Even though you will see smiles in other pictures as God gave us joy on this day, it was really hard and the process was sometimes painful. We love each other, but sometimes earthly love isn't enough. Its not easy to love like He loves. We are clinging to God's Promises for dear life. Because of those Promises, we stand and say, "I will stay," and "If you fall, I'll fall with you."

__________________________________________

“I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all---oh, how well I remember---the feeling of hitting the bottom. But, there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering I keep a grip on hope. God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, His merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They are created new every morning.”

Lamentations 3:19-23, The Message

Stay
Words and Lyrics by Dave and JJ Heller

When you can't feel a thing
After too many stings
When you forget about grace
The world is a lonely place

Stay with me
You'll be surprised
There's a world of color
Beyond black and white
Open your eyes
Let in the light
You'll see when you stay with me

When you can't hear a thing
There are no words to sing
You keep your heart where it's safe
But the world is a silent place

Stay with me
You'll be surprised
There's a world of color
Beyond black and white
Open your eyes
Let in the light
You'll see when you stay with me

Hold on
Be strong
Believe in love

“Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. 
They weep as they go to plant their seed, 
but they sing as they return with the 
harvest.”

Psalm 126:5-6, NLT

_________________________________

Return to Zero, The Movie

In March, my friend, Lucy, sent me a message with a link and wrote, "Have you seen this?"

The link was to a website for Return to Zero, the movie.

I had not.

The theme of the film is something that is close to mine and Lucy's hearts but one that isn't spoken about, written about, or dwelt upon very often: STILLBIRTH.

Lucy and I "met" online through our mutual friend, Amy, in January of 2010. Amy called to ask me, mother of baby Jack, a STILLBORN baby, if I would mind contacting her friend who along with her husband, Mike, had twins a couple of months before. The babies were a boy and a girl. Their baby girl, Allie Grace, was born healthy, but their baby boy, James Michael, was STILLBORN.

Lucy needed a connection. She needed comfort. She needed direction. She needed someone to talk to that knew her pain. I would provide a little bit of all these things for Lucy, until she was able to find them closer to home and then she would eventually provide those things for some other mother who had experienced STILLBIRTH.

There are thousands of moms and dads just like Lucy and me. It isn't just something that USED to happen. You know, when the medical care wasn't good enough. A statistic is cited in the clip below that in the U.S. alone there are 26,000 STILLBIRTHS a year. That is:

500 pairs of empty mommy arms a month,

72 grieving daddies a day,

3 broken and heartsick sets of parents every hour.

The makers of this film would like to "break the silence" about STILLBIRTH specifically, but also all infant loss. Not everyone who experiences baby loss wants to talk about it but I think none of them wants it to be forgotten. I think the silence that needs to be broken is the one that feels like it is being imposed on those who have experienced the loss. It should be their choice whether to speak or to be quiet.

Even though I feel like I'm doing my own bit of "breaking the silence" now, after we lost Jack, I struggled to include him in my conversation. When I talked of him, I made others uncomfortable. Some, not all, would just walk away. Literally.

It is delicate. It is difficult. And as a result it is easier NOT to talk about it than to wade through the hard parts. I found out that once I got over sacrificing the memory of my beloved child for the sake of making someone else feel better, MOST were receptive. Sometimes they said something that was hurtful or ignorant, but in time, I found ways to let them know without making either of us feel embarrassed or hurt. Hopefully, the next time they encounter a similar situation, they will know what to say because I spoke.

While the subject of baby loss should never be blasé, it should be familiar enough that by being aware, we can help others.

Please watch this Glimpse of Return To Zero






I am a local leader for the film.  (Local leaders in Mississippi) As a local leader, I have pledged to tell others about the film and help get it to theaters by gathering support for it.

You can see a map that shows local leaders nationally but this is a global effort. Individuals and groups from all around the world are signing up to be local leaders and pledging to go see this movie. If you would like to Become a Local Leader also, please do so.

You can pledge to see this movie by clicking on this link: Pledge to go see this movie

You can put my name in as local leader on your form: Anna Janzen-Lancaster

And by all means, please share it if you would like others to see it also.

http://bit.ly/16H3uNz



Disclaimer: I have NOT SEEN this movie and it is not rated yet. I can tell you that it does have some foul language and has adult situations. It is a film about adult life. If those things will keep you from seeing a movie, you probably won't want to see this one. You know that I have written before about how we try and limit our exposure to media of all types, especially for our children. Our children will not be seeing this movie. I don't want them or myself to be exposed to those things unnecessarily. But sometimes, to tell the REAL LIFE story, it is necessary, because that is how it REALLY happens. It is up to you. It is not my intention to force this film on you. Just to let you know it is out there and that it's subject matter, MATTERS.


Anna Becoming

Run Toward the Tragedy

After the Boston Marathon bombing, there were reports of kindness and bravery in the midst of tragedy. One thing that I read over and over was that as the world watched the videos, we saw people running TOWARD the blast, not AWAY from it.

In his article, "Running Toward the Marathon Chaos" Zachary Bell wrote:

Yet last Monday, I saw something more jaw-dropping than the tragedy at the Boston Marathon itself: people, many of them civilians, running toward the chaos. I saw police officers, marathon runners, race volunteers and even bystanders who did not flee, but moved toward the bomb blasts, without regard for their own safety, trying to provide assistance to the injured.

While I listened, watched, read and prayed about Boston, I did the same for the Gosnell trial. Sadly, you may not even know what I'm talking about when I say Gosnell. This is from a transcript of an interview for PBS Newshour:

 Gosnell is being tried on eight counts of murder, seven of them for allegedly killing babies that prosecutors say were born alive and viable. The eighth count is for his role in the death of an immigrant from Bhutan. Attorneys say she died of an overdose from a sedative she was given. The case stems from an FBI raid on his Philadelphia clinic in 2010.

Investigators found horrific conditions and say he performed some abortions after the 24-week legal limit in Pennsylvania. 

It would be horrific enough if Gosnell's was the only abortion provider in the world. But he isn't.
Please watch this video from liveaction.org.





As Kathryn Jean Lopez writes, "This Is the End of Looking Away".

Are you turning away? plugging your ears? closing your eyes?

These babies and their mothers need a hero. Cry out for them. Run toward the tragedy. 

http://www.supportrcfwcorinth.org

http://russandmegan.blogspot.com/2013/04/unplanned-pregnancyperfectly-planned.html