While The Kids Are Away.....

Eric and the children had glowing reports from school yesterday. Eric is excited about his classes. Ty said he had never made so many new friends in one day. Tess talked about all of her new chums like she had known them for years (I'm not surprised). Amelia couldn't remember her playmates' names (I'm not surprised), but she was excited about them none-the-less. After supper she asked for a hot glue gun so she could make something for her new teacher.

After waiting for news during the eternity that was yesterday, it was a relief to learn they had all had such a favorable experience. I know that every day this year might not be as wonderful as the last but as Mary Poppins  says, "Well begun is half done". It means so much to start off well.

What did I do all day long while they were at school and Dinah was at Papa's? I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you.

I came back home after I dropped Dinah off to let Emily get going. Granny had finished breakfast, her devotion and her newspaper. Emily informed me that the only trouble they had was an uncomfortable question that Gran had concerning a topic in the "Dear Annie" column. I will now have to proof the paper and black out all articles that might be a bit awkward to explain to one's 85 year-old grandmother.

Gran went to her room and settled in to her comfy chair. Granny eats lots of sweets. She never feels like eating a real meal. I offer her a plate full of vegetables and meat and she says, "I don't want that. Just something little...like a cookie". I try not to make issue of it until she has consumed the equivalent of a pound of sugar and nothing else. Because when I'm her age and waiting for Jesus to call me home, I think I'll be the same way. In between fetching her coffee and cupcakes, I was free to do what ever I needed to do.

I could no longer put off all that cleaning that I needed to do. I attacked the laundry first. It says something about one's wash load when it is one's dream not to have granite countertops or master suite but to have an enormous laundry room with two washers and dryers.

After the laundry closet was rocking, I moved on to dusting. I've been sneezing ever since. I had on black yoga pants. They became polka dotted black yoga pants because balls of dust clung to the fabric. (I never get to the dusting when the kids are home. Keeping the house picked up, floors swept and dishes done is about all I can manage. The dust doesn't seem to mind waiting patiently.)

The next item to clean was the fish bowl. We acquired a gold fish a few months ago when the girls won one at the fishing rodeo that the church sponsors. (Thanks, JJ.) I think fish are beautiful. I like to look at other people's fish tanks. But when one comes into our house (especially a gold fish) I don't see a fish. I see failure.

This time we have done much better than in the past. Tess and Amelia have been tending the fish carefully. Tess has been cleaning out the bowl on a regular basis when I don't get to it. The problem is that it doesn't stay clean long and then the water stinks. I thought I smelled something on Monday and yesterday morning as I spent more time in that room, I realized it was indeed the fish bowl.

I took Claire into the kitchen and talked with her as I worked on her home. I washed my hands and did some other things in the kitchen while I waited for her to adjust to the new water temp. I ate a gummy worm in front of her without thinking and felt the need to apologize to her. Then I thought, "She really liked her flakes." She probably didn't even like worms. So I ate another. (Don't you talk to your fish too?)

After I finished cleaning, I placed her rocks, her weed and herself back into the bowl and put Claire back in her place. I fed her and then went on to cleaning the floors. I didn't think about her much after that except that I knew that Tess would be appreciative that I had helped her out with that chore.

In the evening, I noticed Eric standing in front of Claire's bowl and I wandered over there to let him compliment me on how her bowl sparkled. I said something about how quickly her bowl got dirty. He just kept looking as I kept talking. I paused and he said, "She's dead."

I did a double take. She was indeed very still.

"What! She was fine today! And I cleaned her bowl like I always do. I made sure she got used to her water."

"Well, she is still dead."

I had really thought we had turned a corner when it came to fish keeping. We are still just fish killers.

The girls heard and came running.

"Oh, Claire!"

"Poor Fishy!"

I began apologizing. (I did not want to promise to buy a new one. But that is what you do when they cry and are upset, right? You say you are sorry. Acknowledge that no other pet could replace the beloved pet that they lost. But, after some time, if they felt like they could love another, you would let them pick out a new one.)

They just stood there looking for a moment until Tess said, "I get to flush her."

Amelia whined, "But you got to last time."

"It's going to be a lovely funeral," Tess said excitedly.

That response made me feel glad I hadn't told them we could get another. When they asked, I firmly told them "NO".

____________________________________


After the passing of Claire, I began filling out all of the school forms in triplicate.

The forms, while I know they are necessary, just highlight my inadequacies in my memory and as a mother. (It doesn't take much to highlight my inadequacies, even small fish can do it.)

I have to keep asking the kids,

"What day is your birthday?"

"How old are you?"

"What grade are you in?"

"Pull that card back out and make sure I checked Female instead of Male."

I haven't even tried to remember their social security numbers.

I REALLY, REALLY love my kids. I think maybe the forms make me nervous. Like its a test. It's amazing how many numbers are associated with a person and I have so many to remember.

At one point after I had asked one such question of Tess, she said, "You are getting like Granny." as I stated simultaneously, "I'm getting like Granny." She laughed. I sighed.

I'm only 34. Odds are, I have a lot more life to go through. If having all these kids has taken my memory, I pray at least one of them will take care of me.

How did you spend the time while you waited for your little ones to come home?

Fish bowl and accessories available for anyone who needs them.

Christ's Sufficiency on the First Day of School

Well, my husband and sweet children are at school now.

My sister, Emily, came over this morning to sit with Granny so that I could go be with them as they went to Alcorn Central for the first time. (Actually, they have visited the school many times this summer with their dad. I, however, have never been inside the school before except to go into a gymnasium.)

Ty and Tess slipped away from me without letting me give them a last hug and a goodbye. I refrained from chasing them down the hallway and calling their names. (Yes, I can display restraint when I have to.) They went to the gymnasium to get their schedules and have assembly before beginning their day.

Eric, Dinah and I walked Amelia to her class. She is in the new Mrs. Burcham's class. Maybe that will help them connect, with them both learning the school for the first time. Amelia was reserved but was not turning red (a sure sign that she is upset or nervous), so I felt better about leaving her. She was only the second child to arrive in the room so her teacher was able to give her attention that she might not have if she had entered at a later time.

I had planned on sticking my head into the middle school gym to make sure that Tess and Ty weren't sitting by themselves. (Probably far apart, not together.)  (Not sure what I planned to do if they were. I might have pulled a Papa and just taken them home. He's notorious for doing that with them in preschool if he doesn't think the teachers and other toddlers are paying HIS grandchild enough attention.) But Eric seemed to want to shake Dinah and I because he kept showing us exits and telling us goodbye. After 6 exits, I took the hint, peeled Dinah from him and carried her out while she yelled, "I need my daddy!" I didn't scold her because I felt like yelling, "I need my family!"

I suppose it was a successful start because only Dinah and I cried. I was doing fine until we prayed while we waited for Emily to get to the house. If I need to function without tears, it is usually better that I just rest in knowing that God knows our need, instead of trying to talk to Him. I fixed my face just in time to get outside and grab a picture before we left. I knew this was my only chance because I have never done very well at getting a snap shot of them in their rooms. I usually have a baby or toddler hanging on my arm and the children are trying to be cool and not notice me. So from prior experience, I knew just to be glad I was getting this photo.

As we pulled out of Deer Park, I turned my blinker on for the wrong direction. Thankfully, I was following Eric because if I had not seen him turn right, I might have gone on for a bit on autopilot without noticing. Poor Tess saw it and said nervously that I should have let the car continue toward the highway. Bless her.

I wanted to give them something encouraging to have their hands on to while they were at school today so I wrote out Philippians 4:13 on notecards for them. When I can't be with them, I love that God's Word can be. I (any probably you) have memorized the NKJV but I have been stuck on the Amplified Bible lately and this verse is a perfect example of why I am.

Philippians 4:13

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹³ I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who^[a]infuses inner strength into me; I am ^[b]self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].

I like how it is explained in the brackets. "Self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency", that is a word we needed today! I think I might need it more than they do but I'm glad it is there for all of us (you too). 

This is the shot I got before we all loaded up and drove to school. (Eric declined being in the pic but I can tell you he looked handsome and was smiling too.) I'm praying they will be wearing those same smiles this afternoon. It is funny that those same kids that gave me the slip this morning probably will be fighting with each other to tell me about their day. (That's why I don't mind the slip. I know they really love me and know I love them.)

Poor Dinah just had to go to Papa's because she was devastated to be left behind. He had a new Barbie puzzle waiting for her, so I think she forgot all about the pain. :)

Oh, and despite what I said yesterday,  I didn't take and hour, or two, or three to miss them. I wanted them back before I walked out of the building. What a blessing they are to me.

I'm Going to Miss My Kids!

Man, I love my kids.

I posted something funny this evening that my Tess told me. I don't think she was trying to be funny when she said it but it made me smile none-the-less. If I posted all of the moments like those that our family has everyday, I would have to hire someone to do it because there are so many of them.

Funny moments, sad moments, tender moments, difficult moments and crazy-mom-is-freaking-out-again moments make up my day. Lately we've added stop-everyone-be-quiet-because-Granny-is-confused moments. You know like when you were a kid and your dad was driving in bad weather so the radio got turned off and everyone sat still as stones until you got home because it was important that he concentrate? I get like that when Granny is confused and the children can tell when they need to go sit down, be still and keep Dinah entertained because my full focus has to be on Granny. (How great are they to know that and understand that? Pretty great.)

I joke that every time I've had a child go to kindergarten, I have another baby because I can't stand not having someone with me. (I guess it isn't a joke because I've really had a baby every time one of them went to kindergarten. I don't have anyone going to kindergarten this year, so I'm not having a baby. Well, that and Eric says we can't have anymore because in all probability he is going to be attempting to draw his Social Security before Dinah graduates and he wants to retire before he turns 80) I miss them so much when they aren't here with me.

Yes, there are times when I think, "I've got to have an hour of peace or I'm going to go crazy." When they are fighting non-stop and I am tired and I can't take it any more, August and a new school year doesn't seem so bad. But I really want them with me, because an hour (maybe a couple of hours, or three) after they are gone, I am wanting them home again.

I don't know if you know it, but I'm a homeschool mom wannabe. Ever since Ty was a toddler, I have prayed that I would get to keep my children home with me. So far, God has not seen fit to grant me that request. Maybe He is protecting me (or my children) from myself. Maybe I would be a horrible homeschool mom. I don't know. All I know is that my babies are and probably will always be in public school.

My husband is a school teacher. Being around the teacher community for some time, I hear or have heard in the past other teachers or people from the community complain when a teacher's children are homeschooled or even that they don't go to the same school that the teacher does. I may have been one of those complainers at one time or another.

And then on the other side of the coin, (maybe because I want to be one of them) I have experienced feeling (real or imagined) that a homeschool parent didn't think I was doing the right thing for my children for allowing them to go to public school. It's kind of hard not to think that when they are telling you all the reasons they wouldn't let their child cross the threshold.

What have I learned from both of these sides and with years of experience being a mom? That each parent has to do what they think is best for their children by following the Lord's guidance in all things. It really isn't any of my business where anyone else's child goes to school. I should only voice opinions about my own children and keep all other thoughts to myself. As long as we have sought His direction for our children's education and have listened for His voice and feel we are walking in that way, I (I say "I" here because Eric doesn't feel guilty about it) shouldn't feel guilt either way.

So tonight on the eve of a new school year, I thank God for public school and the fact that we are able to be a part of what He has planned there. I pray for all of the administrators and teachers that will walk those halls and teach in those classrooms. They have a huge job before them and can only do it through the Lord's strength. Satan wants them to fail. He wants them to mess up. Our prayers need to be many for those who teach.

I pray for the parents who will watch their child go out the door in the morning and wish them back again. I pray for the parents who don't get to take their child to school and kiss them goodbye at the door. I pray for the children. I pray that they would each have an adult who loves them and cares for them and is able to clothe them and help keep them clean and keep them fed. I pray that each child will find a caring teacher on the other side of the door in the morning. I pray that we as parents remember that just because we send our children outside the home to be educated, it doesn't mean that we aren't teachers ourselves. I pray that we take up our responsibility as well.

I pray also for my homeschool friends. I thank God that they have the opportunity to teach their children at home because not everyone has that option. I ask blessings on their homes as they decide on and prepare curriculum. For those who are weary from being 24/7 caregivers without a moment to themselves, I pray for them strength and peace of mind and opportunities for rest. I pray for their children as well. That they will have focus as they take their lessons at home.

I hope that you see my heart about all of these things. I had no intention when I started this post that it would end up here. I just thought I was going to tell you about how much I love my sweet (most of the time) children and how much I am going to miss them (at least after an hour, or two, or three) tomorrow. Granny, Dinah and I will probably just sit and stare at the wall and wonder where the summer went.

I am so grateful that my children don't feel like I did about school. (I would have loved to have been homeschooled as a child. To be honest though, with my crippling shyness, I think that if I had been, I might still be living with my mother and looking a bit like Bette Davis in the first part of Now, Voyager.) But as they go to a new school in the morning I will have to pray for extra measure of peace to outweigh the butterflies for them and myself. If you have time, we would appreciate if you would pray for them also. Alcorn Central is a lot bigger than Biggersville. (Yes, that is a bit of a paradox.) I'm praying they won't be overwhelmed and they make friends easily.  They will be missing their other friends more as they go to school in the morning.

Tess shot down my offer to make a commercial with testimonials from her current friends about what a great friend she is. She is on her own now. I tried to help. I packed a stick (a small one--It kind of looks like a pencil) in Ty's back pack for him to beat the girls off. I know he's my kid but I think anyone would tell you he is handsome and he has a personality to go with it. It's killing me. Amelia told me that she was going to wait until the day after tomorrow (because she was sure that she would have friends by then) to let them know she was crazy. I let her know we might need to keep that to ourselves, especially with new friends, but she assured me it was the good kind of crazy, the fun kind. (So we know who to pray for a little extra.) As their mama, I know they are wonderful kids and my greatest comfort is as they walk into a school knowing very few people that they all 3 have the Holy Spirit going in with them.

So I hope you'll forgive this very all-over-the-place post and excuse me while I cry a bit before I go to sleep.

Prayers going up for all school people, home and public, (And Private!)

Anna

The Fun Parent

I don't think we are the only ones, but in Eric and my relationship as parents, there is a fun parent and a not-so-fun-parent. I won't fool myself one bit by thinking that any of you thought I am the fun one. I know it. I own it. I'm the heavy.

It has been like this from the beginning. When Ty was just a baby, we lived in Melody Park, just off of Proper street in Corinth. We were across the street from the house where Eric spent his life from the age of 6 months. He started talking about how Ty would get big enough to ride his bicycle over to the "Y" (Sportsplex for you young folks), just like he did when he was a kid. When he mentioned this the first time, I am sure that I was stunned for a few moments, jaw dropped, and breathless with flashes of car crashes, child abduction, and weeping. When the flashes stopped, I think I went crazy on him. Over time, when the thought came to his mind and lips, I was able to calmly remind him that there is a bit more traffic on Harper Rd. now than there was in 1970. And that with Ty being 6 months old at the time, I couldn't imagine him going anywhere without his mommy, no matter how big he got.

I was fortunate to have relatives that would gladly watch the children while I grocery shopped but sometimes it didn't work out or I just wanted to make sure and not over burden anyone so I took them myself. When they were tiny and rode on or in the cart, it was much simpler. When they began to speak sentences and say, "I want to walk, Mommy" things became sticky. Now that the older children are 13, 11 and 8, I don't necessarily make them have a hand on the cart at all times as before, but I am always scanning the aisles like the President's bodyguards do when they survey a scene.

Eric, however, does not and has not ever required the cart-clutching that I enforced. Our small children would run at least (wincing here) 30-40 feet ahead of him. Sometimes, he doesn't keep them in sight. You can gasp. I know I do. There is nothing that makes me pray to the Lord for belief in His promises when Amelia announces like she had an adventure, "I got lost in the store today, Mama! Daddy said not to tell you."

To explain a bit about my shopping precautions, ingrained in my memory for all time is a story that my mom told me as a child. I believed my parents when they told me something. I remember being in the Wal-Mart on Cass Street. I don't know if we were acting up and running away from her (I really can't imagine doing anything of the sort) but she shared with us that a child had been taken from her mother in a Wal-Mart (I don't remember where). She was snatched from her mother, taken to the dressing room where the abductor changed the child's clothes and put a wig on it and took the child right out of the store. I'm pretty sure I steered clear of the dressing rooms and clutched the cart everyday after that.

Eric is not only laid back about security, but he is also a Coach. The man has a college degree in Physical Education.  P. E., people. You know? Everyone's favorite subject right after lunch? He has lots of experience and is very talented. If you have ever seen him in action, you'll know why I call him the Kid Whisperer. A gym full of wild 5 year-olds will become silent and do activities in an ORGANIZED manner. He's like the Pied Piper of children.

I however, like to sit quietly for long periods, or if moving, enjoy walking in nature silently absorbing God's glory. I watch old movies without color, some of which are musicals. I read excessively. I also love a good nap. If a child was going to list qualities they would like in a parent, I don't think any of the above would be listed.

I tell you all this to let you know that, today, I got to be the "fun parent". Eric and Tess have been gone to camp this week. That leaves Ty, Amelia and Dinah to hang with Granny and I. Granny hasn't been sleeping well again, so that means I haven't been sleeping well, which equals, not good. Granny has also began to be regularly confused more often. That means we all have to be more vigilant about making sure someone has their eyes on Gran as much as possible so that we can be ready to help her as needed.

Usually, Eric is home and he loves to find good things to do outside the house. Since he hasn't been here, I'm afraid Lancaster life has been a bit boring. I wanted to alleviate some of the monotony, so today, despite the chance of rain, Teresa came to sit with Granny so that we could go swimming at Bitsy's. Dinah had water day at school and Papa made sure that she was taken care of. So, early in the afternoon Ty, Amelia and I set off for Rienzi.

It was raining slightly when we got there, but we could see the blue sky coming our way (well, not really, the rain clouds were moving, not the blue sky, but it sounds good like that so I'm going to leave it. I just didn't want my scientific mother to be ashamed), so we camped out under her deck on a cool patch of patio and ate the Little Caesar's pizza we had picked up for our lunch. The rain and rumbles moved away just as we thought they would so we were soon in the sunshine and cool water.

I brought a book to read in between my lifeguard glances. I was kind of excited to be there without Dinah in tow. I could really relax. I had the book laying on the table. I just thought I'd get wet first so that I wouldn't be hot. After I was in the water, I thought floating around a bit would be nice. While on the float, Amelia asked, "Why don't you get in the water, Mama?"

I replied, "I'm in the water, Amelia."

Ty suggested, "Why don't you ask her why she isn't swimming, Amelia?"

"Mama, why don't you swim with us?"

"This is peaceful Amelia."

"Painful? Why is it painful, Mama?"

"No, Amelia, its PEACEFUL."

"Why would you do something that is pitiful?"

I was laughing by now. I slipped off my float, took off my cap and sunglasses and swam to catch her.

Before I knew it, my hair was wet, I was jumping off the diving board for two "judges", and wearing goggles that covered my eyes and nose that made me look "funny". Water went up my nose. I was breathless because I can't remember the last time I held my breath for anything. My thighs got burned because of the slap the water gave them when I dove too shallowly. I got consistent 5's from benevolent "judges" who gave me points for effort. I talked to Ty about playing "under water tea party" on the floor of the shallow end. (Please tell me someone else did it too. He had no idea what I was talking about. Was it a girl thing?) I lay on my back in the water and FLOATED. The last time I remember floating was in grade school on a pond.

Since Ty was born, there has always been a little one in the water with me. A child that if they didn't have to be held, needed to be watched carefully. My legs didn't see sunshine for at least 10 years. Only my shoulders tanned from my standing waist deep in the shallow end. Those years weren't always fun for me. There were days I would have rather been on a lounge chair with a good book or on a float making sure that my skin tone actually allowed me to buy something other than "ivory" foundation. A lot of those days instead of having fun, I was just keeping my offspring from drowning. I was good at that, though and that is what I needed to be doing so I did it willingly.

TODAY, I was the FUN PARENT. And you know what? I liked it.

Even without Eric there or maybe because he wasn't there, I was able to catch myself, weigh the comment before I made it, and hold back a little. I only reminded Amelia one time to not scream, because I would never know when she really needed help. I was able to let her squeal a little bit more today and not mind. I kept myself from telling Ty to quit hanging upside down off the side of the pool so that I didn't have to perform all the CPR I had practiced. I glanced his way a few times and then he went right-side up in the pool by himself after a few minutes. I choked back the cautious today and we were ok.

Eric and I balance each other well. If we were both "fun parents" all the time, you wouldn't want to sit by us at church or LET your children play with ours. If we were both cautious and predictable, we would be so boring, no one would WANT to be around us.

Eric helps keep my good fear (the common sense God gave us) from becoming a bad fear (the kind that Satan uses to control us). And, its okay that when he comes up with an idea that I'm there to mention the 30 ways it could kill us. We can make informed decisions that way. :) The rule follower, prudent side of me keeps us in check sometimes when we need to be watchful. Balancing trust in God and being wise isn't always easy. I'm glad, though, that I know we NEED HIS HELP and it is something that we spend time on, ponder over, and pray for.

I know that in the coming years as they leave my arms in life and say "I want to walk, Mommy" in a figurative sense, I'm going to have to do this over and over again. Because even though it scares me a little, I don't want my children to be cart-clutchers their whole lives. Today was good practice for the new phase of motherhood that is coming. The phase where I'll need to just pray more and boss less. Maybe, just maybe, their definition of a "fun parent" might grow to include black and white movies and a good read.