The older children enjoyed watching her reaction. Being a mere 7 months, they often read into her expressions and interpreted her thoughts for the rest of us. "Oooo. She likes that, Momma." She was passed around and guided through the holiday by three experienced siblings.Even if she didn't understand, I relished whispering the first Christmas story into another tiny ear. Her large, baby blues focused on my lips while I sang simple carols that she will learn for herself in coming years.
While all these things, made the season brighter, a few things still remain difficult. I already shared that making the Christmas card picture of the children or our family makes my heart ache a little. Making the picture isn't the only hard part about it. I have to sign, love from the Lancasters and not sign Jack's name. I know it may seem silly to you, but I still think of that every time I write that.
I don't allow myself to dwell on what might have been. I purposely don't think of how big he would be if he were here now, or what toys I would be buying him. But I do want to make a special point of remembering what was and looking forward to what will be.
I think about how much he was loved and expected. He is and always will be part of "the Lancasters". I don't usually do stockings because Santa doesn't come to our house (a whole other blog topic), but this year I put them up.
I was a the Dollar Tree and saw this stocking holder and decided on the spur of the moment that it would be a good thing for us to have it in our home. So I scooped up 7 stockings and holders including this one for our mantle at home. I showed Eric first and he liked the idea. The children like to remember Jack and when I showed them this they were very glad. They told everyone who that stocking and holder was for. They knew that it looks like the train on Jack's gravestone that I showed you in "The Grave".
When I think of him, I think of all the people who are experiencing Christmas without someone they love for the first time. I pray for comfort and peace for those hurting hearts. But this year as I think of and pray for these things, I am able to not only look back, but I can look forward with a happy heart. With that happy heart, I ask God for new things.
God ties the past with the future with that little baby Jesus born a couple thousand years ago. Because of that baby, I can remember my son and know that I will get to see him again one day. Because of Christmas, the birth, life, death and resurrection of the Son of God who came to earth, we have a future. A future more glorious and beautiful that our minds can comprehend.
My prayers are praises for His provision of the Lamb. I thank Him for the salvation I have in Him. I pray for an opportunity to share His love and Gift with others. I pray that those that need Him have receptive hearts and ears to accept that most precious gift.
I have shared this before but it is worth sharing again:
I am a sinner.
I deserve to die for my sin.
I can't do anything by myself to save myself from that death.
God is a loving God.
He doesn't want to see me punished.
But God is a just God.
He must punish sin.
God sent His Son to earth to live a perfect life, die on a cross, rise from
the dead to pay the price for my sin.
By trusting in God and by believing in Jesus Christ alone for
eternal life I was saved from this death.
By faith, I transferred my trust from myself to Jesus Christ.
I will go to heaven when I die and live eternally with Him.
Even though I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior,
it doesn't mean that I don't sin. Sadly, I still do. But because
of my relationship with Him, I can ask forgiveness for that
sin and He forgives and forgets and I try to do better.
But because I am His, I can never be separated from Him.
You too can have this certainty, peace, and strength.
He offers it to all.
You just have to accept His free gift.
If you have already accepted this gift,I am so happy to have
you as a brother or sister in Christ. I hope you share with
someone else today what He means to you.
But if you haven't and you would like to have this gift, please accept it now.
All you have to do is ask for it through prayer to Him.
If you have a new relationship with Him,
He wants you to grow through prayer, reading the Bible,
worshiping Him, fellowship with other believers, and to tell
others what you have learned.
The Future Glory- Romans 8:18-25, NLT
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
Becoming,
Anna
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