Worthy of the Calling

Today is the 3rd anniversary of Jack's birth and death day. I write this morning not because I want to but because I feel an urging to do so that supresses the thoughts of my desires. I don't want to write another post about missing my son. I don't want to cry this morning. I don't want to make myself get out of bed when all I want to do is curl up and ignore the world. But sometimes, no many times, God calls us to do something we don't want to because it is best.

As I struggle with this sadness, I am reminded of some things. Loss is not only the bearer of sad tidings but it also brings gifts. Along with pain, it brings the gift of perspective. When it delivers sadness, it also brings the occasion to share. With its wounds, wisdom is packaged beside. We are just left with the decision to open those packages or not.

Last evening Eric and I, along with many other couples went to hear Neal Jeffery speak. He is an All-American quarter-back, who is a pastor, speaker, and stutterer. His theme was "Higher, Swifter, Stronger: Dare to Become Greater". One of the points he spoke to was to live like each occasion is our last. I know that you have probably heard this concept before but he broke it down in a way I had not heard before. He talked about all of the games of football he had played in his lifetime. But now, he won't play again. There had been a last game. We think when we are young that we have more time, that another opportunity will present itself again if we don't try do things right this time. We often let our zest and desire slide into laziness and acceptance of mediocrity. Then after time has past we look back with regret that we didn't try harder or work more to make our dreams reality. He applied this principle not only to our careers but to holding our babies, spending time with our children, kissing our spouses.

Loss helps bring this point home to me. Life is more precious. The opportunites we have become more important. The little things start to matter. I don't take for granted the privelege it is to hold my babies. Waking at night to care for a restless child is just more time spent with them. Listening to a knock-knock joke for the one-hundreth time is not an annoyance,it is just one hundred times I get to share a laugh with my child. Folding laundry is a way I get to meet a need.Cooking is a way I get to say I love you with another meal. I want to do this right every time because it might be the last time.

He also pointed out that we are being watched. Others see how we act and handle situations. Three years ago, I was called to walk the road of child loss. And more than anything, I want those who follow after me, especially my children, to see that I traveled trusting God, looking to Him, and rejoicing despite pain. I want them to see that sometimes it was hard and that I wanted to give up, but chose to not to rely on my own strength but to allow the strength of the Father to help me. I want to learn, grow, and change into a tree of righteousness that will bring Him glory. So this morning I  open the gifts of perspective, opportunity to share, and wisdom and wrap them again in words to give them away to another so that they can open them when they need them most.
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¹ Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ² Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ³ Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. Ephesians 4:1-3 NLT
 


2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.  Isaiah 61:2-3 NKJV