A Song When I Cannot Sing

I have told you before and I guess I will say it again, music means so much to me. I am not a musician by any means, but I do love it and thankfully, it has been with me all my life. The only place I wasn't allowed to sing was at the dinner table. I listened to music at home, at church, at school, and in the car.

Granny loved the music of the 40's. Grandmother loved classical. They both loved hymns. Daddy liked bluegrass and we went to hear it on Saturday nights at the Theo Community Center. Momma liked to rock out a little bit, so we got the 50's to the 80's with her. Somehow, in all that I almost missed the music of the 90's but it snuck in a little there at the end of the decade. Then I went to college and I heard Praise and Worship music for the first time. Now, thank you, Lord, I have KLOVE and all the Jesus music I can get.

Along the way, all this music became a part of me, just as much as my little finger or my gallbladder ever could be. So as I go through my day, my life soundtrack, or I guess "play-list" for you youngsters, is there ready and waiting. God has always been faithful to use these lyrics and tunes to help me when I need it most.

I know that you guys are tired of hearing about all of my troubles but if you keep reading, you are going to hear about it anyway. I have been dealing with some tough stuff these past few years. Just when I think the hard thing might go away and I might get a little rest, here comes a new trial, sometimes two or three. I am not complaining because I learned a long time ago, these are the things that make me. And when I think of the people around me, I am not the only one. We all have things that are testing us. Sickness, pain, loneliness, financial difficulty, joblessness, a job you don't like, a breaking marriage, separation from the ones we love, the list goes on and on.

Well, what's that got to do with music? I'm glad you asked. I'd love to tell you!

About 4 months ago, I was able to pin point something that I think God has been doing for a long time without me realizing it. One morning when I was particularly down about something, out of no-where the words to the hymn, "Sunshine in my Soul" came to my lips. After a few moments, I realized what I was singing. I began to cry. (shocker, huh?) "There is sunshine in my soul today, More glorious and bright,Than glows in any earthly sky,For Jesus is my Light."  There He goes again, letting the truth in my heart reach my mind. Despite my "cloudy" day, the forecast was bright. I had sunshine in my soul. Jesus is my Light! One of the verses of that song is:

"There is music in my soul today,
A carol to my King,
And Jesus, listening, can hear
The songs I cannot sing"

My voice get shaky when I am tired or emotional. Some days my voice just won't work. The events that surround my life, or the trouble inside, make a lump in my throat that won't budge. Sometimes even my praise gets stuck because I am so overwhelmed by His love for me. But, thankfully, Jesus can hear, "The songs I cannot sing".

Since that day, I have been more aware of the songs that God uses to nudge me and remind me of things. "Chin up, Anna", "I am with you always", "I've got this covered."

Ashamedly, this afternoon, I lost it. I was plagued with frustration, defeat, and anxiety. I was not acting like a child of the risen King. I wasn't acting like a vessel of peace. I didn't calmly trust. To put it mildly, I griped, moaned and groaned my way through a few hours.

This evening, that lump was lodged in my throat. The tears of fatigue and self-pity rimmed my eyes. I acknowledged His presence and said, "I'm sorry. I did it again didn't I?" In the midst of my apology, the words, "I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free" rose from that lumpy throat. I am free and I need to act like it. I looked up the rest of the words and I want to share them with you. You may remember them. Read them and sing them to yourself. Don't let anything steal your song and remember that He hears the songs you cannot sing.


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain:

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.


“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.


Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Always in tune (to the Father's ear),

Anna